A friend and I were talking about controlling behavior today. We both have our controlling moments, so I was excited about sharing an insight I’ve had recently. He is, on occasion, late. Now we all know the deal about late people; often it’s their passive aggressive way to exercise control.

Each week this friend and I meet for a weekly ritual. We agree to meet in the same spot at 9:15 a.m. More often than not, he is about 10 minutes late. This used to send me over the edge with annoyance. Then one day I went inward and thought of my options. This is what I came up with: a.) Stay in my house until 9:30 in a “screw you” mentality, b.) Be on time and lash out at him and set the tone for our time together, or, c.) Ask myself what really bugs me about it and flip it around so I don’t feel controlled. I chose option C.

Here’s how it plays out. What I resented was feeling I could do a lot with the extra 10 minutes if I knew I had it. But realistically, I do know I have it because it plays out that way every week. So now I bring my journal or a book and I spend the time MY way. I actually enjoy that time now.

Go figure.