This is about my Howard-less existence.


Howard Stern officially went off the “free” radio airwaves a few weeks ago. Now he’s on satellite radio, which costs money I shouldn’t be spending on entertainment right about now. In the two-week transition, I was still able to start my mornings with him in the form of his “Best of” shows. There was one morning I was literally ticked off that I had to leave my house and go to work because KROC was replaying Howard’s John F. Kennedy Jr. interview. So compelling. So real. So sad, ultimately.

And so today was morning No. 2 without Howard. My alarm clock, still tuned to KROC, woke me to the sounds of the “replacement,” David Lee Roth. Sorry, dude, I adore Van Halen but cannot listen to you gab in the morning. Now if you were belting out Panama, we’d be talking because those are some fabulous lyrics — “I reach down … between my legs … and ease the seat back …”

That line of thinking brought me to 104.5. Not a bad choice. I love classic rock. But I don’t know. Every morning? I tried a station with dance tunes. Now Funkytown is just what I want to hear on a dance floor, but at 6 a.m.? Dancing on the Ceiling just about did me in.

I haven’t been able to bring myself to turn the dial to NPR. I’m expected to not only get up at 6, but think too?

What’s a girl to do?

I want my Howard.