When I decided to put in my two cents on Carrie Prejean and the whole Miss USA debacle, I had no idea how bonkers my mail would go. Love it.
This Game Plan, Life Coaching Carrie Prejean, is currently on the front of FoxNews.com, which brings a lot more traffic than FoxBusiness.com and accounts for the surge in feedback. (Well, OK, some of the attention is probably because the column is about sexuality and Christianity). So far, it seems people are split on my take.
Let me know what you think.
Awesome! It is so refreshing to read your thoughts on the pageant circuit. I think you’re right and that whole thing should be exposed for what it is, and for the ways in which it objectifies women, and conditions them socially. Nice article.
I thought only women watched beauty pageants these days! And yes, God did make women sexual creatures, but for private needs only and not for public display. We all enjoy the beauty of women, usually until we encounter the inner person. We should show praise for those of inner beauty as Carrie has displayed. I’m glad you are not trying to take that away from the world.
Dear Life coach, Nancy,
While I agree with your take on the whole beauty pageant thing (they’re tacky and demeaning to women), I disagree very much with your suggestion that Carrie somehow embrace her sexuality and make that her mark.
Carrie has owned up to behavior that is less than stellar, but by advocating self pleasuring as a means for women to enhance their sexual self, you are simply falling into the trap that uses sex as a more palatable platform than beauty contests. Sex is great, but has a proper place. Carrie’s defense of marriage between a man and a woman, despite her earlier poor judgements, places sex in the correct context.
Sex, indeed, is a good thing, but outside of marriage it merely becomes a means to an orgasm without considering the very act of spousal self giving inherent in the act.
Thanks, Dwayne!
Thank you for the feedback, Duane 🙂
I respectfully disagree. I am by no means advocating promiscuity (as much of my mail on this column seems to be suggesting), but think it would be nice if we could all just agree we’re sexual beings. What that means to each individual, that’s not for me to say.
Thank you for writing!
I’m in complete agreement with El Rose about sex has it’s place, and masturbation is not it. Masturbation is still sex outside of marriage. All people are sexual beings but to embrace one’s sexuality doesn’t mean having to engage in sex acts to express oneself. Sex was created to be enjoyed by a husband and wife according to biblical principles and it’s those principles Carrie must be true to.
Christianity has never been about the “self” but the opposite. Wife’s sexually must please their husbands and husbands likewise to their wives. All of Christianity is “dying to self.” So to practice masturbation would contradict the very essence of being a Christian.
So Nancy, good intent but it’s not the Christian standard. Carrie must learn (if she hasn’t already) to maintain sexual control and abstinence until marriage. That would be the life lesson I would pass on to Carrie – to truly save yourself for marriage!
I truly appreciate the thoughtful feedback. But …
With all due respect, Carlotta, might I ask what a sexual being is supposed to do if he or she is not married and well into adulthood? That’s the essence of the Christianity disconnect. Because if someone is a “good” Christian, age 42, not married, not self-pleasuring and therefore pent-up, I don’t think I want to be around that person. It’s just plain unhealthy.
Well, that person you’re describing is me – without the pent-up part. I was sexually satisfied within my marriage – but divorced my philandering husband and my biggest problem after having much sex to NO sex after marriage was the pent-up passions.
I went the masturbation route, and had short-lived affairs with men. But I was tired of the contradictions of being a committed Christian and living hypocritically. What I learned is that sexual desires can be controlled through training your mind – avoiding those things that make you horny in other words – and finding things to keep that mind busy. I’ve had much success with that route and have been celibate for 5 years (divorced for 15) and that is celibacy even from masturbation.
It can be done and a person doesn’t have to be sexually deprived in the process. You just don’t linger in your thoughts about it!
Congratulations on walking your talk. I have a great deal of respect for your admission and appreciate you sharing it.
I loved your writing and your message. One thing that I have recently learned is that as a person raised in a christian home, I was programmed into thinking sex was a bad thing. BUT everyone does it. It was until five or so years ago I discovered that SEX was good for your soul, your heart and your mind. It is so good, almost EVERY study shows that people that have sex 5-6 times a week, live a happy and fulfilled life. I think christianity puts a block on the joys of life to much. If we delved into how people lived 2000 plus years ago (In the bible), we would see that men not only had sex with their wife, but they also enjoyed sex with the unmarried women as well. Before you judge me on what I just said, I will refresh your memory: Abraham, Isiach, Jacob, David, Solomon, etc… So if you are married, an not getting enough sheet flapping time with your wife, I suggest you find a maiden / unmarried and flap sheet with her. I am sure you will enjoy life much more. Now, go and do the right thing.
Jeffrey, I am so aligned with your thinking. Thanks for writing 🙂
No problem Nancy, glad to share! Not all Christians are sexual prudes as many may think – in fact we’re quite sexy people! 🙂
Jeffrey, God mad sex and He created it to be beautiful. I’m sorry that you had to grow up believing it was bad.
I do want to remind you of the biblical heroes you mentioned and the consequences of their behaviors. Today we are still suffering the effects of Abraham and Sarah not being patient and trusting God about Sarah’s prophesied pregnancy: the descendants of Sarah’s and Abraham’s maid Hagar and her son Ismael represent the fighting today between the Israelis (descendants of Isaac, Abrahams son) and Palestinians (descendants of Ishmael, Hagar’s son).
King David’s family woes are well documented through the Old Testament as his many wives represented many, many heartaches for him. Same with King Solomon.
So before you go flapping the sheets of any potential “maidens” just think about the consequences that could follow!
God the creator of sex, knows what’s best for his human creatures…which is why I trust HIS way for sex and not our own. Every single commandment God made is for our good!
Hi Nancy,
A few moments ago I finished reading your column and found myself in both agreement and disagreement with your stand on the pageant circut and human sexuality.
The pageant circuit in my view sends the wrong message to women by suggesting that outward beauty is of greater importance than inner beauty. Many women struggle with depression as a result of their lack of confidence and displeasure with their physical appearance. In many ways, society imposes a false and superficial image of how the modern woman should look like, and this false image really undermines the real beauty of a woman. If I have the pleasure of having a daughter some day, I hope to instill in her the importance and primacy of inner beauty over outward beauty.
With regard to human sexuality, I could not disagree more with your position that women should embrace their sexuality almost instinctively because humans are sexual beings. As sexual beings, we need to be responsible as to how we use our sexuality and share it with others. I believe that human sexuality is most healthy and mutually rewarding in the context of marriage, as God intended. Sex outside of marriage, whether it’d be sexual intercourse with another person or self-masturbation, leads people to a false impression of the real purpose and meaning of sex, and makes people focus more on their own sexual needs rather than that of their partner. Marriage between a man and a woman is the manner in which two people can express their whole-hearted commitment to one another, and is in this context the man and woman become one.
Thank you for reading my comments.
I appreciate the feedback, Eric.
Hi Nancy. Thanks for the article. I think young Carrie is parroting the neo-cons surrounding her, and has values conflicts yet to be expressed. I predict she’ll work it out as she gets older, and recant. ( And then “the gays” will love her, just like Tammy Fay Baker.) In other words, while Carrie IS in the position to be a healthy-sexuality advocate (for Christians and anyone else interested in what she might have to say) she is currently too blinded by the excitement of her own piousness. What a charge it is when you think you’re right about something… and have an audience to boot!! Integrity – and the subtle grey areas – go right out the window. Separating the sheep from the goats is big business! What’s most striking to me is that, Carrie, like so many people are leveraging careers by gay bashing, without a thought to to the real life consequences their language has on real-life, flesh and blood human souls. Now my turn. My take on sex, is follow your heart, follow your desire, set your boundaries, but don’t be afraid of it! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!! Make it safe until you’ve built a trusting relationship. And please, please don’t expect everyone else in the world to follow the same practices you do, particularly as you get into the realm of public policy. For the record, I’m a bi-sexual 43 year old, ex-Christian, and I believe that the Source from which I was created celebrates me, AND my deliciously pleasurable, loving and consensual sexuality as much as I celebrate Source! On a final note: I too, like Carlotta, have gone celibate for up to 15 months at a time, and loved it! (Rock on Carlotta.) Chosen celibacy is mystical and magical. I recommend it. But only if you’re interested. It’s your business, not mine!! Thanks for the forum, Nancy.
Love this response, Dave. I remember well the days when I was blinded by the excitement of my own piousness, so I totally get your message on several levels.
Thanks so much for sharing.