There came a point in my work as a columnist writing about ‘how to live life’ that I realized I was attracting some really cool kindred spirits into my sphere to interview and spotlight. Deborah Hutchison of A Sane Approach is one of those. I let her convince me that sometimes a written agreement is a good idea, even (or especially) with loved ones.
Today’s Game Plan: Family & Friend Agreements: Awkward or Smart?
Personal experience with this. First, I absolutely agree with paper agreements among family and friends. UNLESS, you honestly don’t care if they pay, clean, or whatever. If you are comfortable opening your home and care taking with no expectations, you don’t need one.
However, most of us aren’t like that when it comes right down to it. My personal experience is that we assume things of our family and friends that we wouldn’t with a stranger. We assume they’ll help out around the house, or cook, or grocery shop, etc. We are shocked and bitter when they don’t. Personally hurt, even.
When my husband and I moved into his mom’s empty condo when we were between homes, we (well, I bc I felt it was better to be clear about things) presented them with a short, direct, clear agreement. It went over like a lead weight…or, maybe it was more like a concrete boulder. They were REALLY pissed off. Hurt. Angry. It caused a familial rift like you’ve above and beyond anything I could have expected. They’re still not totally over it. AND, when we moved out it was confusion, misremembering, and miscommunication…just as I’d expected.
So, my question is…delivery and presentation. I’ve been complimented on my ability to be diplomatic, so I was surprised on the response. But, how to present this sort of thing so it doesn’t offend?
Wow, Rebecca, that sounds rough. I think you’ve hit on the core issue here, which is how to broach the topic of the agreement. It seems you did everything right. I suppose we have to concede we don’t know how the other party will respond. Or if they’ll get past it even if it is uncomfortable initially.