Today I’ve been thinking a lot about couples. Probably because I spoke to a woman, a new client, who is in one of the few marriages that actually sounds appealing to me. She and her husband, a friend of mine, didn’t set out to “be married”; it just happened. And it’s obvious from being around them.
Here’s the thing. I can almost always tell the difference between people who meet and fall in love and get married from people who get married because it’s the “right” time in their lives or they just want to be married. And I believe that the latter, sad scenario is most of America.
It baffles me so. I must be a freak of nature. What is the appeal? Trust me, if a great guy comes along, I’ll be the first to dive in and revel in it. But I can’t imagine living life in that state of longing or putting things I want to do on hold. I like my solitary time way too much. The big question may be, why did it take me so long to figure this out?
One of the coolest things I’ve ever heard about marriage was a comment a co-worker made to me years ago when I worked at a newspaper. She and her husband had just gotten married and when I asked her what it was like she said, “Like being alone, only better.” Now she gets it, I thought.
All this heavy thinking today — done amidst errands and house cleaning that felt incredibly good — has also made me realize I have created a good life for myself. The test? Ten years from now, I want my life to resemble what it is now in most important ways. Sure, we can toss in some travel, a beach house, a great guy. But let’s keep the writing, spiritual nourishment, coaching, culture, family, friendships, fab home, urban pace, emotional growth.
So appealing.
