Turning point
Today is one of those glorious self-employment days. The snow is coming down like mad and I’m watching it out my huge windows instead of battling it. Woohoo.
Meanwhile, my monthly newsletter is done and ready to go out tomorrow. I had a highly satisfying coaching session with a new client. I cleaned up my email files. And I’ve brainstormed some ideas for my new website, which is a work in progress.
It has been exhilarating the last few days to — as the minister in church talked about yesterday — “write my story” with passion and confidence. To follow through on ideas, be open to everything that crosses my path, to push past resistance. So good.
As a backdrop to all of this, I’m reading a book that had been sitting on my shelf for months. I was prompted to pick it up last week because of something a friend said in passing. It is Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss, Ph.D. Frankly, I find it a bit mind-blowing that I decided to read it at this particular time, a time when (as my past posts on this blog attest) I’ve been questioning so much regarding my spirituality.
“Many of the people I encounter in my workshops are stuck between two worlds: the old world that they need to release and the new world that they are afraid to enter,” Myss writes. “We are attracted to becoming more ‘conscious,’ but at the same time we find it frightening because it means we must take personal responsibility for ourselves — and for our health, career, attitudes and thoughts.”
It feels as if I’ve moved from the “frightening” part to the taking personal responsibility part just in the last week. That explains the exhilaration I described above and even the resistance I experienced earlier. Did you ever feel like you’re at a real turning point in your life?
I have. I am.
Mom moment
I had an important moment with my mother the other day and it’s been washing over me all weekend. She made a passing comment during a phone conversation Friday and I don’t think she could have realized how much it meant to me.
First, some context. I grew up in a very critical environment and it had a great impact on who I became and am. When it got to the point where it was debilitating, I was smart enough to realize I had to do some inner work. As a result, some years ago I released the need for approval from family and learned to repel the criticism most of the time. It was and is an exhilarating feeling and it is the reason I have healthy, appreciative and loving relationships with family now.
That said, I have always seen my parents as people who understand so much about me, yet in some ways don’t understand me at all. I’ve made peace with that paradox, too. But every so often, the people who raised me throw me a curve. In this case, it was Mom.
We were talking about my life’s work, how harried I’m feeling these days despite liking my job at the senior center and loving life coaching. I was telling her how mixed I am about leaving the senior center when my stint there ends, since it is a short-term gig. I conjectured about the possibility of somehow staying.
“But if you stayed at the senior center, would you be able to make a go of your coaching?” Mom asked. “Wouldn’t it take too much of your time?”
Pow. In a flash, Mom hit on the issue that was gnawing at my gut. In fact, wasn’t I somewhere, deep down inside, feeling a long-term job at the senior center would be a copout? And at what point did my mother, who like most parents favors financial security over “follow your bliss” when it comes to employment, begin to comprehend how much life coaching means to me? I had no idea she understood. None.
There are so many lessons here, not the least of which is this: Don’t underestimate people.
Reading
I find I don’t read enough books lately. I go in and out of reading phases and I’ve been in a place where I simply don’t take the time. So I think instead of blogging today I’m going to just turn off the computer and pick up a book.
How do you like them apples?
La-La Land
Purge and renew. That is today’s startling credo.
Sometimes I talk about manifesting and channeling and feeling my own power and I wonder deep down inside if it’s not just a little bit nutty. You know, airy fairy mumbo jumbo la-la land thinking.
And then I have a day like today, a day where I haven’t left my neighborhood, put on makeup or even made an effort beyond sweatpants and yet, magic. Answers coming at me in a flurry. Insights flashing like neon signs. Lightbulb moments of pristine clarity.
In its wake is a surefootedness in my actions like I haven’t experienced in a while. Suddenly the physical, emotional and spiritual issues I’ve been having this last month all make sense and I feel propelled forward, buoyed by my own energy. So many people — some knowingly, some unwittingly — have had a hand in holding up a mirror to my face on this.
I’ve been wrestling with my God concept, my career path, my ability to love unabashedly, my attitude about money, my faith in self, my bodily functions. Yet it barely occurred to me, a life coach so good at honing in on this stuff in others, that these things could all be tightly enmeshed. That is what I saw in my morning pages today. How I am being tested, loved, taught, challenged in a myriad of ways. The answers were right there all the time.
Welcome to La-La Land.
Subway reading
What people were reading on my subway commute today:
The New York Times
The DaVinci Code
Jane Eyre
Sports Illustrated
William Sonoma catalog (she was absorbed in that thing!)
The New York Post
Red Storm Rising
A book written in French (couldn’t see the title)
On The Road Again
A math textbook
Six words
Compassion – n. 1. Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. 2. The humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it.
Love – n. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. v. To experience deep affection or intense desire for another.
Prosperous – adj. Having success; flourishing.
Wealth – n. 1. The state of being rich and affluent; having a plentiful supply of material goods and money. 2. The quality of profuse abundance.
Rich – adj. 1. Possessing great material wealth. 2. Magnificent; sumptuous, 3. Having an abundant supply.
Spirit – n. 1. The vital principle or animating force within living things. 2 A fundamental emotional and activating principle determining one’s character.
Just some words I’ve been thinking about.
???????????
I’m questioning, questioning, questioning today.
Questioning God.
Questioning life.
Questioning people.
Questioning abundance.
Questioning knowledge.
Questioning purpose.
Questioning what it all means.
????????????????????????????????????????????
A perfect day
This morning, on my way back from an appointment, I decided I needed the day to be cleared for “me” time. I wanted to nest, get some work done on my computer, digest some emotional and spiritual insights I’ve had the last few days, and nurture my weary body. There were two obstacles to this happening — I had a 4 p.m. meeting with a potential client and the writing class I teach in the adult education program was set to begin tonight.
I figured I could easily move the meeting, but the class was a sure obligation. But by the time I got home the universe had taken care of both. There was a message that the class was cancelled due to the weather and I had an email asking for a postponement of the meeting. Fabulous! Every ounce of me felt joy and relief that I could concentrate on my “stuff.”
So it has been a relaxing and productive day. I have also done some inner work and identified a lingering resentment that I’m now working through to some kind of peaceful resolution. And on top of it all, I have had a profound personal insight around love that will change my life.
A perfect day, courtesy of the universe.
Spiritual overload
I reached a spiritual saturation point today. That happens to me periodically. I open my mind, I expose myself to learning, I listen to new viewpoints. And I’m proud of that, especially because I would not have been open even five years ago.
The thing that’s tricky is that I try to not only hear the new information but process it and embody it. But what happens when I open the channels, too much comes in and I feel like I’ve hit overload? I can tell you. Everything starts to sound like la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
After going to my usual Sunday service this morning, I went with friends to hear a renowned spiritual teacher and author this evening. I realized after just a few minutes there was a disconnect. The best way I can describe it is she and I are not on the same wavelength. She doesn’t speak to me. I had to keep bringing myself back to stay in the moment.
What’s tough about this for me is it seemed everyone around me in this sizable auditorium was captivated and engaged. It made me keep wondering what I was missing. Sometimes I think I need to be more accepting of myself and not question what boils down to personal taste.
Meanwhile, earlier today I ran across a quote I like from Jerry Spence: I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.
Amen.
Clients
I got a phone call yesterday from a woman who had had a coaching consultation with me two years ago. She didn’t hire me at the time, but made it clear it was because she couldn’t afford my services.
The funny thing is, when I was in coaching training three years ago we were taught it’s never about the money. The mantra was, if a person is interested in being coached, they’ll find the money. I could never align with that. Coaching is just too much of a luxury for some people.
So imagine how validating it was to get a call from someone who had experienced a consultation with me and was back TWO YEARS later. She said she was now ready for a full coaching series. I remember really liking her and wanting to work with her, so it was a no-brainer to put an appointment in the book for next week.
My coaching practice seems to go in cycles. I’m in another upswing and love how it feels. A big fat Thank You to the universe.
