Precious time
So the other day I wondered about this allergy attack I had and what its grand purpose might be. It caused me to miss my first class at NYU. I felt prepared, if nervous, for the class. Nothing extraordinary.
A few days have passed and now I think I get it. I’m supposed to see my time from a different perspective. I had started working fulltime the week of Labor Day. I had signed up for a 3-1/2 hour class two days a week for eight weeks. I was supposed to teach a writing class one night a week. I had three life coaching clients and I was trying to wedge them in between my other obligations. I was also editing copy for my church’s website.
Turns out the ripple effect of missing that class is this. I am now assigned to the section that begins in November. It’s Mondays and Wednesdays. I won’t lose my money that way. But now I can’t teach the writing class because there’s a schedule conflict. I finished up with a coaching client this week. I withdrew myself from the editing commitment because I just couldn’t keep up. I was feeling completely overwhelmed — things were coming at me too quickly.
Suddenly I feel like my time is mine. October is mine! I’m able to breathe. I have choices, appreciation. I can enjoy the fall. Yeeha.
November will come soon enough. Until then I will revel in this gift.
And so it is.
Low end high
OK, I may as well just say it. I bought a pair of shoes at Payless. I still can’t believe it. I cannot stand that cheesy store. And yet …
So I have a few skirts that can swing from summer to fall. Problem is, I only have sandals to wear with them and I can’t bring myself to do open-toe shoes at this point in the year. At least not to work. So I needed transition shoes. Something made me stop in Payless just for the hell of it. And what do I see? Black suede slingbacks with a nice heel and a bow on the front. Exactly what I need. So I put them on and they’re as comfortable as can be. They look expensive. Hmmmmm. Too good to be true? I look at the price — they’re $16.99! Are you kidding me? Wrap ‘em up.
Frankly, the rest of the selections there didn’t do much for me. But I found my gem and made for the register. Already tried them on with the skirts. So great. One little purchase can have a major impact. I love the challenge of that, the creativity of it.
I’ll be strutting in them tomorrow morning …
Sneezy
I had one of the worst allergy attacks of my life today. Best I can trace it to is the very dusty construction happening on our floor at work. We decided to open the doors and windows today because it was so nice outside. But it seems that opened the door to the dust. Next thing I knew, my eyes were itchy and watery and my runny nose began. By lunchtime it was a full-fledged allergy attack with rampant, hard-core sneezing.
Despite shutting the door and turning on the air conditioning, the problem just escalated. My nose became red from blowing it, my eyes were glazed over and my makeup was virtually non-existent. In between, I worked and accomplished a remarkable amount of tasks.
Still, my boss knew I was to begin a class at NYU tonight and told me not to go. I was determined to try, but by 4:30 I knew she was right. No way. Especially after I took a look in the mirror and saw my wreck of a face.
I came home, had chicken soup and lots of fruit. I cranked up the air conditioning. I popped some Sudafed. Here I sit with drippy red nose. Gross.
What does it all mean? Why today? Call me crazy, but it feels like there’s a bigger reason for the timing of this. We’ll see.
Eyes on the road
I am driving in a blizzard. Focused on what’s in front of me. Just doing what I can to see clearly and stay my path. I suspect I know what’s ahead, but I can’t look that far down the road yet. Both hands are on the steering wheel. The radio is on, but I’m just humming along with it. Too intent on the road to all-out sing.
Driving through this will be such a victory once I come out the other side. I can feel it. Stay the course.
Role model
I love how smart and creative Jodie Foster is. Down-to-earth. Literary. In her art. In her life.
Saw her on The Actor’s Studio tonight and enjoyed watching it immensely. She manages to immerse herself in her craft and yet maintain a private life. She’s fluent in French. She revealed herself a bit — the insecurity she felt at having no formal acting lessons, what it was like doing a play at Yale while the John Hinckley debacle was happening.
Foster was featured in the September issue of O magazine, the section called “Reading Room.” Each month they ask a celebrity about her favorite books. Foster’s list: The Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire, Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison, Cathedral by Raymond Carver, The Complete Greek Tragedies: Euripides, Naked by David Sedaris, Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Marie Rilke.
I particularly like what Foster writes about her Rilke selection:
This is a collection of letters that Rilke wrote to a poet who’d asked for his advice. It’s clear that Rilke wants to encourage the younger man, yet he can’t help betraying his own disillusionment with the world and his feelings of insignificance. I love how humble Rilke is — how beaten down by the creative process yet hopeful. I’ve given this book to a few directors and wrapped each copy in a silk scarf. When I feel like a failure or have doubts about my work, this is the sacred book I take off the shelf and unwrap, very delicately.
Good stuff.
Walking shoes
Had a great walk tonight. Came home from work, swapped my work clothes for bike shorts and sneakers, and took to the waterfront. (Is there anything like the feeling of putting on socks and sneakers after being in heels all day?) The Empire State Building was lit up in blue and red. The skyline was very clear and sparkling.
What a nice backdrop for thinking and taking much-needed deep breaths. Life has been a little stressful lately. I’ve been feeling a bit upended. Like I have no choice but to just be for a while.
The walk was a welcome respite.
Divine intervention
I’m feeling a force working.
Yesterday I had lunch with Mike. He was in my Artist’s Way class about three years ago. He really, really wanted to take a trip to Africa. It was his dream. Well, he emailed me a few weeks ago to ask about having lunch. He had just returned from over a year in Africa. He saw so much, did so much.
As we downed hamburgers, he told me that it was my class that really persuaded him to take the trip. “I was on the edge of the cliff; you gave me the push I needed to just do it,” he said with a laugh. “Remember that collage we did? You looked at it and said, ‘Mike, there’s nothing about New York in this collage. You need to go.’ I’ll never forget it.”
Wow.
Tonight I had dinner with Mary, a former life coaching client and now a friend. I told her that I’m in a transitional period and wondering if I’m handling things correctly and feeling hypocritical about coaching others. I just started working fulltime in a job that has little to do with coaching or writing. Am I derailing myself from my life goals?
Mary reminded me how different her life is since working with me as her coach. She reminded me that I didn’t seek out this job; I went to bring a friend lunch and emerged two hours later with a job. She reminded me that I’m being open to possibility, to a company that has enrolled me in a real estate class at NYU. What could be wrong about that?
Wow.
Take a deep breath, Nancy. Chill out. Your philosophy is bold and smart. Stay the course. Yes.
There is purpose to it. Maybe the passion will follow.
Plane drama
I am watching JetBlue Flight 292 circling LAX, burning fuel, as it readies to make an emergency landing. Its front landing gear is bent.
I am filled with dread thinking about those passengers. I cannot imagine having hours, over two hours at this point, to think about that landing. What are they talking about? Are they staying positive? Panicking? Alternating between both? Clutching each other? Making phone calls? Watching those little TVs on board and seeing what’s happening around them?
Whew. Oh my God. I have goosebumps. It just landed safely. Those people must be cheering and sobbing like crazy.
Some lives on that plane are dramatically altered. Trust me.
Lunch hour
Almost every day I sit on the steps of F.I.T. and eat lunch near my office. I love the bustle, seeing all the fashion students mulling around, the big portfolios. I wonder what’s in those portfolios, whether I’m looking at a rising star.
Meanwhile, I relax, read, talk on the phone, eat a sandwich. It’s precious Nancy time. Today it was a fresh issue of New York magazine. Away from the insanity of the office. One hour of escape.
Patterns
Did you ever discover a pattern in your life that just blows you away? I’m amazed by my own self-discoveries, on this day particularly about the kinds of people and situations I attract into my life. And, of course, the why of it all.
An interesting exercise I did recently: Someone mentioned that our friends are a reflection of us, so I looked at my friends and examined what reflects back to me. It was so illuminating. A little scary, truth be told.
Just thought I’d mention it.
