For this one, I tried to pull out from all the ‘noise’ surrounding the awful movie theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado and just get to how it feels from a distance. And what we can do moving forward.
Today’s Game Plan: We’ll Almost Never Know Why
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Thank you for that thoughtful piece. Much of my focus is in hospital and assisted care chaplaincy, and a great deal of that is in the area of bereavement and grief. Too many people try to force their own paradigmn of how to grieve. Listening and compassion are the only tools I have found to be universally relevant.
I so appreciate the feedback, Ken. That came from a very personal place, as I have learned this year how much I wanted to be heard in my own grief. Not told to move on. Not avoided. Not looked at with a glazed over expression at the mention of a deceased person’s name. Not told what ‘he would have wanted’ me to do. Just listened to with compassion. It is validating to hear this from someone in your line of work.
Somewhat off topic. But, I’m amazed at the comment by the police officer who investigated the totalling of your car. He could either have made no mention of your not wearing a seatbelt, or could have said you should have been wearing a seatbelt (despite what would have happened). Instead, he told the truth, however politically incorrect. People on the front lines of potential tragedy (police, firefighters, military) mostly cut to the chase and tell the unvarnished truth. The politicians who get paid to think, come up with sentiments that are often farthest from the truth. I feel most comforted by the truth.
Great observation, Jack. At the time that aspect of it didn’t faze me, but when I wrote this I did find I had a different feeling around it. You nailed it. Thanks for writing.
Nancy,
Thank you. That was not simply brilliantly insightful and replete with life lessons it also was profoundly compassionate and more than a little comforting. “We will almost never know why.” That is deep. It is a huge reminder as we’re tempted into falling into the old and deeply ingrained habits of the blame game that for some provide false comfort and the illusion of control. “While I do this, that will never happen.” Be it seat belts (Such a life lesson to draw from your experience!) or cancer prevention or the other ten million possibilities and risks intrinsic to living that we cannot arm ourselves against, perhaps our only defense is (to use Selina Kyle’s expression from the Dark Knight Rises) being “adaptable”. Accepting that sometimes there is no control to be wielded in some instances is a great tool in place of the perpetual search for wherefores that might never shed a shred of light. (Saieth another advocate of asking and overt over-thinking.)
Yet too, I find it a truth that talking, writing, discussing and perhaps listening does offer a kind of healing light. We cannot but feel some powerful sadness and sympathy for the victims and families of this mindless tragedy. Their loss is undeniably more immediate and substantial than our need to know, comprehend or lay blame . But as the din of spin rises there is great comfort in voices like yours that put the healing first and the fashionable politics aside. And, not to worry, I’ll remember to wear my seatbelt too, not for the 100% but because the odds favor universal laws like gravity. It’s just the wise thing to do “in most cases” or so people I can trust remind me.
Carlos, you always get it. Thank you for the nuanced reply. It is so gratifying.