One of the things that comes with being a life coach is that you see the potential in people. Of course most of the time that’s an asset. Certainly people want to hire a coach who sees what they can be.

But sometimes this quality feels like it’s too much. It can make loved ones think you see them as inadequate or at the very least uneasy that you see them.

And then there’s what it brings to dating. I had drinks recently with a guy I fell for pretty hard last year. He’s smart, funny, ambitious, spiritual with a mischievous edge, loyal and easy on the eyes. He is powerfully drawn to me and my ability to see what he can be.

Yet I believe it is the very thing that doomed us as a potential couple. It’s one thing to love the energy of a stimulating conversation over a glass of wine, to discuss the wonderful things you want to do with your life and know someone thinks it’s all possible and even probable. It’s another to wake up every day next to that person reflecting your potential back at you.

That’s a whole lot of pressure. It’s not even important if it’s real or perceived. It’s there and palpable. It’s part of the dynamic.

There is something gratifying about understanding this. I’m still processing, but I think I’m on to something. Love doesn’t have to be about storybooks and little hearts. Sometimes it’s supposed to be growth and lessons, pain and purity of heart. He has been all of those things in my life. An amazing man.

But I also know there is a sweet soul out there somewhere who will revel in being seen. I’m counting on it.